Word of Salvation – Vol. 21 No.13 - January 1975

 

For Better Or Worse

 

Sermon by Rev. G. H. W. Kroon, Th.Grad. on 1Peter 3: 1-7

Scripture Reading: 1Peter 3

Psalter Hymnal: 58, 246:1,4. 212:1,5. 120, 447, 491

 

We are living in a time which seems to indicate that many have no idea what marriage is all about.  It is a time in which we find that separation and divorce are the order of the day.  There are countries where the divorce rate is up to 45% of all the marriages taking place.

Faithfulness in marriage is taken with a grain of salt nowadays.  And divorce can be obtained very easily.

That means that those who believe that a marriage should be in the Lord and that it is for better or worse till death separates, are well on the way to becoming a minority.

Dealing with our text, we should not be under the impression that it has a message for married people only.  It is also of great importance for the young people who are thinking of getting married as well as for the teenagers.

For the basis of many a broken marriage or unhappy marriage has been laid during the time of preparation by lack of insight into the divine purpose of marriage, by selfishness or by carnal desires.

A marriage which is not seen as a marriage in the Lord but rather as some kind of commercial contract by two partners to live together is bound to end up either in complete misery and shambles or in a most unhappy living together.

Our subject: FOR BETTER OR WORSE.

We consider:
            1.  The wives' duties.
            2  The husbands' duties.

Peter addresses the wives first, and he urges them to be in subjection to their husbands.  Now in that early Christian church there were women who, while they were already married, had come to accept the gospel, but their husbands did not.  Their husbands remained unbelievers and continued to adhere to their heathen way of life.  Even in cases like that, Peter says, the wives had to be in subjection to their husbands.  WHY?

Well, it could be that although these husbands remained hostile to the gospel of Jesus Christ, they might be won for Christ through the conversation of the wives.  It could be that through the wife's patience, humility and godly walk, and that without nagging and argumentation, the husband might slowly show an interest in God's Word, with the result that he also may come to accept the gospel.

In other words, these wives were not supposed to walk out on their husbands, but rather to approach them in love and be in subjection to them.  Neither should they be scared when their husbands resent their Christianity and try to get them away from God and church.

These wives should live a godly life, for by constantly having a true Christian wife before their eyes, by seeing the great and blessed change produced in her by the gospel, many a husband may lose his resentment, stop his ridicule and become a follower of Christ.

In this way marriages which have become mixed marriages afterward may become, may turn, into godly marriages.

On the other hand, Peter would agree of course with Paul that whenever marriage is contemplated by a believer, it should always be a marriage in the Lord.

Another thing that Peter brings to the attention of the women is the matter of adorning.  "Let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, wearing of gold, putting on of apparel", he says.

Now the idea of Peter is not that the women should dress in drab clothes, or black stockings, but that they should be beyond the vanity of display in order to attract the attention to themselves.  It also means of course that they should not dress themselves in a sinful way so as to attract the attention of the men.

"But", says Peter, "let it be the adornment of the hidden character of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.'

In other words, instead of trying to draw the attention of other people and trying to please them, you should rather aim at pleasing God by being humble and by not pushing yourself into the limelight; by being quiet and not by gossiping and claiming equal rights.

The adornment of the hidden character of the heart is all that matters.

It is not a matter of outward appearance and beauty.

It is not a matter of worldly make-up and fashion, but it is a matter of the inward beauty of the soul.

It is a matter of a heart that loves the Lord and fellowmen.

It is a matter of a heart that is sanctified by the renewing power of the Spirit of Christ.

Such women and girls are virtuous, attractive and valuable and to be desired, because it is the inward spirit that matters, that is most important, that is in the sight of God of great price.

May all our women and girls be concerned in the first place to be pleasing and acceptable unto God.

No!  We are not going to talk about make-up and fashion, but we do realise of course that a daring and refined way of make-up and fashion is the evidence of the opposite of a meek and quiet spirit.  And that is not acceptable unto God.  Moreover it can only distract the attention of men and boys from the matter that really matters, namely the inward disposition of the heart.

For this is really the question that Peter puts: What is your desire?

To please God or men?

And then Peter refers to the true believing women of old, mentioning Sarah by name, who adorned herself by trusting in God and subjecting to her husband.  Although she had to leave everything behind and had to travel around in a strange country, packing their tent time and again, yet she called Abraham lord.

Our women and girls are the spiritual daughters of Sarah, if they follow her example, which is in the sight of God of great price.

Our text would not be complete if there would be nothing in it for husbands.

"Husbands dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life."

It may be so that the husband is the head of the family and as such has dominion over his wife.  It may be so that he is the stronger partner and his wife is to be his help-meet, but in one thing husband and wife are completely equal.  Both are heirs together of the grace of life.

That is clear from Galatians 3:28,29: "There is neither male nor female: for ye are all one in Christ Jesus.  And if ye be Christ's then ye are Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise."

For you see, both are redeemed from the bondage of Satan.  The same price has been paid for both, namely the precious blood of Christ.

Both are heirs of God's grace, the grace of true life, the forgiveness of sin and eternal life to come.

The husband should never forget this, and always keep it in mind.

It is all-important in a Christian marriage that both partners know themselves to be heirs of this grace.

For whatever then will happen in such a marriage, both partners have a common bond that binds them together in Christian love.

And as far as young men and women who are contemplating marriage are concerned, they should first of all find out whether each one of them is an heir of this grace of life, for it is only then that a marriage in the Lord can be established.

Only when both partners know themselves to be cleansed by the sacrifice of Christ and to be renewed by the Spirit of Christ, and when both are desirous to live in accordance with God's will, it is only then that there will be an unbreakable tie between them.

And God will grant His blessing there, come better come worse.  It is only then that a marriage will be strong and beautiful.

Starting from this principle that both partners are heirs together of the grace of life, Peter now touches upon the responsibilities of the husband, says he: "husbands dwell with your wives according to knowledge, giving honour to the wife as unto the weaker vessel."

As long as the husband is mindful of the fact that his wife is a co-heir of the grace of life, he will never abuse her on account that she is the weaker vessel.

He will never reduce her rights.

He will never lower her status.

He will never put heavy loads upon her.

He will never regard her or use her as his housekeeper or slave.

He will never abuse her to the satisfaction of his sexual desires as the pagan Greeks used to do, but he will pay her the tribute which is due to her, she being the co-heir of the grace of life.

He will not regard her as some sort of instrument at his disposal and service whenever he needs it, but he will place her on a pedestal.

He will realise that God has given her unto him to be a help-meet alongside him.

He will realise that he and his wife are equally instruments at the disposal and service of God.

Therefore husbands!  Dwell with them according to knowledge, Christian knowledge will accord the wife all consideration and thoughtfulness which God intended for her being the weaker vessel.

Every Christian husband will therefore consider that he has to deal with his wife lovingly, tenderly and carefully.

He will consider that he is the one who is stronger physically and his wife more sensitive, that she needs attention, understanding, appreciation, help and support.

The husband will therefore have to exercise self-control, self-denial, patience, devotion .encouragement and comfort.  Always esteeming his wife better than himself.

Perhaps we were under the impression that the wife's responsibility was the greater one, because Peter addresses her by way of 6 verses and the husband only by way of one verse, verse 7.

But now we see that all in all the responsibility of the husband is the greater one.

Considering his wife to be the co-heir of the grace of life, he will fight against self-esteem and selfishness on the one hand and on the other hand esteem his wife highly and show that in his actions by being attentive and ready to help, rather than to demand and command.

FOR TO LOVE IS NOT TO TAKE BUT TO GIVE.

HUSBANDS!  To love is to use one's Christian knowledge and Christian morality and not the knowledge and morality of public opinion.

To love is the acknowledgement of the co-heir of the grace of life and not the acknowledgement of a physical body or housekeeper.

WIVES!  To love is to show the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price and no other ornaments.

YOUNG MEN AND YOUNG WOMEN!  To love is to WAIT till God's time comes that you will be united in marriage and not by getting ahead of things which properly belong to the marriage state.

FOR, and that applies to all of us: To love is to see the co-heir of the grace of life in your loved one.

As long as we see that, husbands, wives and young people, our marriage will be and is going to be: happy, beautiful and blessed.

And so we see that the grace of life which was purchased by Christ on Calvary's cross in order to be applied to all individuals who believe on Him, also applies to the relationship between a married or engaged couple.

For Christ does not only redeem our souls, but He is also the Redeemer of marriage.

Many a marriage has resulted in disaster because the husband lost sight of the co-heirship of the grace of life of his wife, too much concentrating upon himself, disregarding the high position of his wife, neglecting her by way of overtime or too many other functions away from home, whatever it may be.

Many a marriage has broken up because wives adorned themselves with all sorts of ornaments save the one which is pleasing unto God, because they despised a meek and quiet spirit.

And all this is closely linked up with the life of prayer.

Once harsh words start to fall...
Once accusations start to pollute the air...
or once silence and ignoring occur in a Christian marriage...
            it cancels out joint and individual prayer.

And once prayer disappears from the Christian marriage, then there can be no blessing either, because God grants His blessing only upon request, only upon prayer.

A Christian marriage cannot do without prayer.

Prayer is the Christian's vital breath, and it is also the vital breath of the Christian marriage.

When both husband and wife bend their knees together before God, then the only result can be that they together acknowledge their shortcomings and sinfulness,
            they together acknowledge that Christ is the Redeemer
                        of their lives and marriage,
            they together acknowledge their thankfulness,
            and together ask for the continued guidance of the Holy Spirit.

Then they will together go forward for better or worse till death separates, knowing that God will provide them with all things necessary for body and soul and whatever evil He sends upon them in this vale of tears, He will turn it to their good.

Yes, marriage can be a shambles, it can be misery, but it can also be great, beautiful and blessed but.... then you have got to see one another as co-heirs of the grace of life and you have got to adorn yourself with a meek and quiet spirit.

Amen.