Word of Salvation – Vol.53 No.27 – July 2008

Learning to Truly Forgive

A Sermon by Rev Peter Abetz
on Matthew 18:15-35

Scripture Readings:  Matthew 18:15-35; Luke 19:1-9

Dear Congregation.

Introduction

Brothers and sisters in our Lord Jesus Christ.

Philip Yancey in his book, What’s so Amazing about Grace, gives an account of a weekend in which the author M. Scott Peck brought together 10 Jews, 10 Muslims and 10 Christians with a view to trying to develop some kind of reconciliation or community on a small scale. He tells how the Jewish people talked about all the horrible things done to them by Muslims. The Muslims talked about the terrible things the Jews had done to them.

The Christians tried to talk about their own problems but they felt that those problems paled into insignificance in comparison to the stories of the Holocaust and the plight of Palestinian refugees. So the Christians spent most of the time sitting on the sidelines listening to the other two groups recount the injustices of history.

Then a Jewish lady turned to the Christians and said: I believe we Jews have a lot to learn from you Christians about forgiveness. I see no other way around some of the logjams. And yet it seems so unfair, to forgive injustice. I am caught between forgiveness and justice.

Perhaps you have been faced with that kind of dilemma. Perhaps someone has done you great harm financially. Or perhaps someone has caused you serious injury. Or someone has harmed your reputation by telling lies about you. On the one hand you know that the Lord calls you to forgive. The Lord’s Prayer makes that clear enough. Forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.

So there is the clear command to forgive. But on the other hand ...your sense of justice cries out: He should pay for that! He deserves to go for this... To have to forgive a person just does not seem fair! So if it just does not seem fair...


1. Why forgive?

The first reason we have for forgiving someone is that:

a. The Lord who forgave us, commands us to forgive

The Lord’s Prayer by implication commands us to forgive, as we pray that the Lord would forgive us as we forgive others. If we refuse to forgive, we are praying that the Lord should not forgive us. That is hardly a prayer we would want to pray!

Colossians 3:13 commands: Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

Our Lord warns us in Matthew 6:14, “For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins."

So we see that for the believer, forgiveness is not just an option. It is an obligation we have to God. And it is not an unreasonable one! After all, Christ’s atoning sacrifice at Calvary worked forgiveness for us. It restored our relationship with God.

Romans 8:22 tells us that the whole creation is groaning under the effects of sin, and we are God’s means to bring reconciliation to the whole creation, and that includes reconciliation in the person to person relationships. He who restored the relationship with us by extending forgiveness to us, by giving Himself up at Calvary to experience God-forsakenness, calls us to offer that same gracious forgiveness to those around us. That is also the main truth taught by the parable of the unmerciful servant.
The second reason why we should forgive others, is that:

b. Forgiveness promotes the unity of the church

As we work together for the advancement of God’s kingdom, it is inevitable that we hurt each other at times through sinful actions. To keep the focus on advancing the gospel, the church must be united, and that can only come when people readily extend forgiveness.

The church of Jesus Christ has far more important things to do than to waste its time playing the unforgiveness game. The gospel of Jesus Christ is the gospel of the good news that Jesus Christ has forgiven me all my sin and thereby restored my relationship with God the Father, so how dare I perpetuate disunity by refusing to reflect Christ forgiveness?

Another reason why we should forgive is:

c. Failing to forgive leaves us spiritual cripples

When we hang on to bitterness, resentments, envy, hostilities, grudges, or any other form of unforgiveness, we become crippled and disabled Christians.

And another reason to forgive others is:

d. Forgiveness gives the world a powerful demonstration of amazing, healing, forgiving love of Jesus Christ

In a world where there is so much brokenness, so much dysfunction, forgiveness provides much needed healing.

But before we go any further, we need to understand the nature of forgiveness. So let’s ask ourselves the question:


2. WHAT IS FORGIVENESS?

First let be clear about what it is NOT:

a. It’s not about forgetting

When we forgive it does not bring amnesia — a loss of memory. The fact is God has not created the brain with a delete button. It would be handy, but in His wisdom He has chosen not to provide such an item.
Further, we need to be clear that:

b. Forgiveness is not about pretending it never happened

That is not forgiveness, but denial, which brings with it a whole range of emotional problems and latent anger. Pretending it never happened just keeps it bubbling away under the surface, and then sometimes it explodes through the surface layer of “I am all right” for the most trivial irritation.

Let’s also be clear that:

c. Forgiveness is not about agreeing or condoning the sinful actions of another person

Luke 17:3 tells us that if your brother sins, rebuke him. Forgiveness is not an easy way of avoiding the need to confront someone who is sinning against you.

So now let’s get to what forgiveness actually is:

d. Forgiveness IS based on the full recognition of the seriousness of what the person has done to you

That may surprise you. But consider God’s forgiveness. He recognised the full seriousness of it. He never swept it under the carpet or tried to minimise it. Instead, he faced the full reality of our sinfulness, and chose to allow his own son to take the punishment for our sin. So forgiveness must be based on the full recognition of the seriousness of what the other person has done.

To forgive means that I have faced the hurt, and even though I do remember, and even though I may still feel the pain of that terrible thing you did, and even though I may carry the scars of that for the rest of my life, I am making a conscious decision of the will, that I will not let the hurt continue to control me and stand between us. I choose to see you as God sees you — an imperfect person, in need of forgiveness and love. I will forgive you and with that forgiveness release you of any obligation you may have to repay me.

That is why our tendency to say: If he does this and this and this, then I might forgive him is not forgiveness at all.

The dictionary says that forgiveness is to:
1. grant a pardon for something to someone;
2. cease to blame or feel resentment about an offence or offender;
3. cancel or let off a debt.

As we live together as God’s people, as we interact with a world that is alienated from God, it is inevitable that we will cause offence and take offence with what others do from time to time.

Unless we forgive, human relationships quickly deteriorate into lasting hostility. A lack of forgiveness is what gradually erodes a marriage. It can erode a business partnership. It can erode any kind of human relationship. As someone has written: Forgiveness is the lubricant that makes society function.

Now most people manage to forgive others for small hurts. But when it comes to really big things, forgiveness often comes to a grinding halt even among God’s people.

Given then that forgiveness is something that our Lord commands us, given that it promotes the unity of the church and makes it more effective in the work of gospel proclamation; given that failure to forgive cripples us spiritually; given it’s a powerful demonstration to the world of God’s forgiving grace to the world, why is forgiveness so difficult for us?

Let’s explore...


3. The difficulty of forgiveness ... a little further.

In the days when bumper stickers were the “in thing” — that’s about 30-40 years ago — there was one that said: Christians aren’t perfect, just forgiven. But often the reality is that we expect others to be perfect in their conduct to us! So many churches have situations where past issues between brothers and sisters are unforgiven — where brothers or sisters refuse to speak to each other.

I am sure most of us can recall one or more situations where a long standing friendship in the church or family has turned to hatred because someone gave or took offence. Perhaps it is not exactly hatred. But perhaps people have settled for an uneasy truce of diligently avoiding each other, making sure they are not in the same Bible Study Group, or not seated at the Lord’s Supper at the same time. What keeps people harbouring resentment, rather than move to forgiveness?

Before we can forgive we need to overcome the road blocks of our own pride, our fear, our desire for revenge and perhaps social pressure — because we don’t want to be seen to be weak. But why is forgiveness so hard to exercise, when God has unconditionally forgiven us in Christ?

The problem is that we embrace justice instead of mercy, and our justice too easily becomes punishment. It is in our sinful blood to at the very least get even! To demand an eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth. But at times we want more than just an eye for an eye!

In Matthew 18, Jesus gave clear instructions of how to deal with a situation of a brother sinning against you. Go see your brother, and talk to him, and then if he won’t listen, get the church involved. But Jesus then goes on to temper that process by demanding infinite forgiveness by giving us the parable of the unmerciful servant.

The unmerciful servant was unwilling to forgive a debt of $10,000 after he had just been forgiven a debt of $100,000,000! This parable reveals not only the huge debt we owed to God, which he unconditionally forgave, but it also shows that we get carried away with our justice.

That servant owed his fellow servant $10,000. No question about it. He owed it to him. And the unmerciful servant, as creditor was in his perfect legal right to get it back. The problem was that the creditor forgot that he himself was a forgiven debtor.

Before we shake our head in dismay at the unmerciful servant, had we not better look at ourselves and ask: How quickly do I forget that I have been the recipient of totally undeserved forgiveness. When I forget that, I find myself wanting to treat my brother on the basis of justice instead of grace.

[Pause]

With the Psalmist we rejoice and say, “If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness" (Psalm 130:3-4). Yet when it comes to others we are so quick to keep scores of others sins. All too often we preach forgiveness, but practice justice. As Helmut Thielicke rightly observed: Justice does more harm in our life than injustice.

Sin makes things uneven, unequal. Sin impairs our relationships. A divorce hurts everyone. A murder undermines everyone’s peace of mind. Lies about someone destroy everyone’s trust. But forgiveness makes everything even again, and everyone equal.

Our demands for justice can’t do that. Our demands for justice can crush someone into compliance. But securing compliance, having our demands met, may satisfy our sense of wanting someone to pay, but when we demand justice, we automatically cancel forgiveness. Justice and forgiveness exclude each other.

Congregation, forgiveness allows healing to take place; justice rarely does.

In a society which is increasingly moving from its Christian roots, we need to show more and more what the forgiving love of Jesus Christ really means.

When the disciples asked how often they needed to forgive, Jesus said 70 x 7 = 490. That does not mean that we can stop at 491! What Jesus was teaching was that we must develop a forgiving spirit.

Our Lord forgave the paralytic (Mt 9:2), the sinful woman (Lk 7:47), the woman caught in adultery (Jn 8:10-11) and even the men who nailed him to the cross (Lk 23:34). If our Lord was prepared to do that, surely we can leave the issues of justice to our God. For our God says: Vengeance is mine I will repay. Do we believe that? If we want to take vengeance in our own hands, we are really saying we don’t trust God with the justice side of things.

Let’s just spend a few moments looking at the practical…

4. Steps to forgiveness

1. Firstly, ask yourself: Have I truly been forgiven by God? If not, seek God’s forgiveness through faith in Jesus Christ. And remember that your forgiveness was not earned or deserved by you!! Remember that your forgiveness was a gift of grace earned by another — Jesus Christ.

2. Recognise that the person who has offended against you is a person, made in the image of God, created by God to have fellowship with Him, and is as precious to God as you are. If the other person is a Christian, then the fact is that God considered that person so valuable that He allowed His son to die for him. In doing this we are not condoning what the person did. But we face the fact that their preciousness is not determined by their actions, but is grounded in them being made in the image of God. Reminding ourselves of this, brings us back on to the same level. So often when someone sins against us, we consider ourselves on the higher moral ground. But keep in mind that we too are people who stand in need of God’s daily forgiveness.

3. Ask: How have I contributed to this situation? It may be that you have not contributed to the situation in any way at all. If a drunk driver maims you by going through a red light, you have not contributed to the situation. But in most relationship situations, we need to own our own sin and seek forgiveness for that.

4. Let go of all demands on the other person. The master in the parable forgave the servant unconditionally. He asked for nothing in return. The ungrateful servant demanded everything to which he had a legal right. He forgave nothing. We cannot make forgiveness a carrot that we dangle in front of someone and agree to give to them if they are prepared to meet our demands. Conditional forgiveness is a contradiction in terms. By its very nature, forgiveness is an act of mercy.

5. Accept the other person’s words and acts as evidence of genuine repentance. Lay aside suspicion and mind reading. Only God can read the heart. Only God knows to what extent a person is really accepting their responsibility for their sin, irrespective of what words they say. It is far better to err on the side of mercy, than to err on the side of being unyielding. Jesus never criticised anyone for showing too much mercy, but he criticised many for being unyielding.

People sometimes ask the question: Do I need to forgive someone if there is no repentance?

Sometimes the person you need to forgive is out of your range. The person may have died, or lives in a far-off land. Sometimes a person who sinned against you flatly denies that they have done anything wrong, or may even lie about it. What then?

Turn with me to Luke 23:34 [read]. Notice how Jesus forgave those men who were crucifying him. They did not repent. So even when there is no repentance we still need to move to forgiveness. To forgive in that situation is an act of faith, because we trust God to deal with the justice issues. As we saw earlier, God says: Vengeance is mine, I will repay. Forgiveness is a letting go — a conscious choice to no longer hold something against someone.

It is our responsibility to make sure that we have done all that was within our power to bring healing to the broken relationship.

And if when you look back after extending forgiveness, and you feel the other person got off so easy, then remember, that is how God forgave us. God forgave us without any repayment from us. Yes God did let us get off easy! All He asks for is faith in Jesus Christ!!

Mercy not justice; that is how forgiveness works. We initiate it, and we make no demands.

When we speak of forgiveness, the question of restitution is often raised. And the Old Testament has a lot of provisions for restitution. But how do forgiveness and restitution fit together?


6. Restitution comes from a thankful, rejoicing heart

Zaccheus offers to repair the damage he has caused in charging too much tax, and wants to repay as much as possible. Jesus did not say to Zaccheus, If you make restitution to your victims, then I will forgive you. But because Zaccheus had been forgiven by the Lord, his heart rejoiced, and so he wanted to set things right.


Conclusion:

Extending forgiveness is not for the faint-hearted or the easy-going. In the short term it is much easier to hide behind resentment, bitterness and distance.
But the rewards of forgiveness are great. Not only does the Father promise to forgive our sins as we forgive those who sin against us, but forgiveness gives opportunity for friendships to be restored, for families to be reunited, for marriages to be healed, for churches to prosper.

Surely the gospel message is not just about punishment. The gospel message is to forgive graciously, just as God in Christ forgave us.

May each one of us live the gospel message of gracious forgiveness.

Amen.


[Suggestion for immediately after the sermon]

In a time of silence, let’s search our hearts, and see whether we are still harbouring resentment or bitterness. Is there an unforgiving spirit in your heart? Is there someone you need to forgive?

[After time of silent prayer… pray:]

Lord, you have forgiven us so graciously and freely.
You did not attach any conditions on our forgiveness.
We simply have to accept what you offer to us.
Grant that any bitterness which we are harbouring may be melted away by a renewed awareness of your love to us in forgiving us.
Grant each one of us a forgiving spirit; a spirit that forgives as you have forgiven us. For it is in forgiving that we are forgiven.
Amen.