Word of Salvation – Vol. 25 No. 05 – November 1978

 

God's Word And Wives

 

Sermon by Rev. K. V. Warren, B.A., B.D., M.Th. on Ephesians 5:21-24 & Colossians 3:18

Scripture reading: Ephesians 5:18b-33

Psalter Hymnal: 89:1; 318; 251; 467:34; 205:1,2,4,5

 

Congregation of our Lord Jesus Christ,

Over the years there have been quite a few sick jokes about marriage. I am thinking of the ones where there's that powerful, dominant WOMAN, like a battleship, and that meek, little HUSBAND, hen-pecked Henry, he always has the last word in any argument: It is: YES, DEAR!

Or that man who dreamt about the census that was being held, where people were sorted into various groups. He saw a long row of men standing there patiently and he was told that they were all dominated by their wives. Then he spotted another little man who stood in a queue all by himself, and he asked him: "Why aren't you standing with all the others?" "Well", said that little man, "my wife told me to stand here."

It's funny, isn't it? We laugh about jokes like that, a woman being the boss, dominating the husband; many people think THAT makes a good joke. The other way round: that's nothing to laugh at, a man dominating his wife, there's nothing funny about that! But a bossy woman, and, you've got hundreds of jokes.

Why do people make jokes about that? And why do people laugh about it? Is it something PSYCHOLOGICAL? I don't know, it would be good to do some thinking on it. I wonder whether THIS is the reason, that everyone feels that a headstrong woman and a little husband is funny because it's not NORMAL, it's UNNATURAL, it's things UPSIDE DOWN. That is maybe at the bottom of the way people react to it! But if you were to ask people: "WHY is that not NORMAL?: (a bossy wife and a hen-pecked husband,) on what basis do you call that unnatural?", most people might say: "Well, you know, just a matter of FEELING; that's just how I FEEL about it."

But then TODAY, there are plenty of other people who feel differently again. NONE of this BOSS business, certainly not the WIFE, but neither the HUSBAND! Women's Lib: I, woman, will do THIS and do THAT; to assert myself, to find my identity; I want to know who I really am; I must have freedom! HOW can this apostle Paul, thousands of years ago, in a totally different culture, speak about this? He wasn't even married himself, how on earth can his words about a WOMAN BEING SUBJECT TO HER HUSBAND IN EVERYTHING, have any relevance for the kind of world WE live in?

There are so many people who say that this bit about the SUBJECTION OF WOMAN is ancient, archaic, without any relevance in the 20th century, and, wasn't Paul a bit of a WOMAN-HATER anyway? Many people OUTSIDE the church say that.

But even people INSIDE the church, people who believe that the Bible is the inspired Word of God, have trouble with this whole thing. They believe that THE WOMAN HAVING TO BE SUBJECT, is more a matter of the CULTURE in which Paul lived. Like those other things in the New Testament: about a woman having long hair, and having her head covered, which are very much in a cultural context They are for that time and certainly not supposed to hold for ALL TIMES.

Now THAT, people say, also goes for women having to be subject. As for women not being elders or ministers, Paul writes about that too, that the woman should not have a position of authority in the churches, but surely: it was only true for THOSE times, for THAT culture.

Congregation, it is not AS SIMPLE AS that. Let us turn in our Bibles to 1Timothy 2:11-14: "Let a woman learn in silence with all submissiveness. I permit no woman to teach or to have authority over men; she is to keep silent. For Adam was formed first, then Eve; and Adam was not deceived, but the woman was deceived and became a transgressor."

I am not suggesting that NOW all our questions are answered, but you see the way Paul puts it here, it has apparently nothing to do with the CULTURE of Paul's day, the TIMES in which he lived, or the CUSTOMS and the IDEAS of that time, for see what he is doing: he is going right back to... CREATION! He is going right back to the very beginning of human history! When he says: "I permit no woman to teach or have authority over men", Paul seems to base that NOT on the particular time in which HE lived, no, he goes right back to CREATION, right back to THE FALL INTO SIN, too.

And what is one of the consequences of the FALL INTO SIN? We can read it in Genesis 3, where it is said to the woman: "Your husband shall rule over you."

All this I think is the SETTING, the framework of what Paul writes to the Ephesians. Paul bases what he says here in Ephesians 5 NOT on culture, NOT on his particular times and traditions, but on the fact of CREATION, and the fact of the FALL.

There is still something else that we must notice first, something we may call another sort of setting. It is that this whole teaching about WIVES AND HUSBANDS, and in chapter 6 about CHILDREN AND PARENTS, and SLAVES AND MASTERS, goes right back to the first verse of chapter 4: "I therefore, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called".

This is usually the way Paul puts his letters together:

FIRST he writes about DOCTRINE and then about LIFE.

And so in Ephesians, the first three chapters are all about the glorious work of God in Christ, and on that basis, because of that, Paul says, THEREFORE, lead a WORTHY LIFE.

Wives, be subject to your husbands, BECAUSE ....Christ is your Saviour.

Husbands, love your wives, BECAUSE ....Christ is your Saviour.

And did you notice that verse just BEFORE Paul talks about wives and husbands, vs.18 in Ephesians 5: "BE FILLED WITH THE SPIRIT". And one of the results of being filled with the Spirit is vs.20: "Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ."

That's the general theme here, isn't it? The HEADING of this section about WIVES, HUSBANDS, CHILDREN, PARENTS, SLAVES, MASTERS: "be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ."

That, of course, is emphasized throughout the Bible. The Lord Jesus talks about it in the GOSPELS: the disciples should be willing to be the least, they should be willing to wash one another's feet.

Paul writes to the Romans: Christians should outdo one another in showing honour.

He writes to the Philippians: Christians should do nothing from selfishness or conceit, but in humility count others better than k themselves.

And here in Ephesians 4:1-3:

"I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all lowliness and meekness, with patience, forbearing one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace."

Now if we don't have the slightest inclination to do THAT, it means that the gospel has NOT taken hold of us yet. It means we are not Spirit-indwelt or at best that we are very much GRIEVING and QUENCHING the Holy Spirit.

Be subject to one another, ...OUT OF REVERENCE FOR CHRIST! THAT'S the QUALIFIER, THAT'S the REASON! Christians shouldn't show love and honour to one another, and humble themselves for one another, because in the first place it makes living more pleasant, (which of course it does), no, no, first of all: for the sake OF CHRIST! It pleases HIM. HE set the example!

HE showed us the way!

Look at vs.10 (ch.5): "Try to learn what is pleasing to the Lord" and vs.17: "Understand what the will of the Lord is." What pleases HIM? What is HIS will? Let's spell it out now, in more detail: vs.22-24: "Wives be subject to your husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Saviour. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands."

Now we'd better be careful. This is NOT a text about the inferiority of women compared with men, NEITHER does it say: let women be subject to men. It says: let a wife be subject to her husband. This is a text about THE RELATIONSHIP IN A CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE and this is God's will! Let no one be so foolish as to say this is only PAUL'S idea, and He was a woman-hater, HE wasn't married, that's why he wrote it.

If you turn to 1Peter 3, you find there exactly the same thing AND Peter WAS married, he obviously was NOT a womanhater, but Peter TOO: "Likewise, you wives, be submissive to your husbands." And some of those wives here, in 1Peter 3 have husbands who are not converted as yet, even so: "BE SUBMISSIVE TO THEM.” WHY? Because it is GOD'S WILL, GOD'S pattern! And when you say: "But my husband is not much of a leader, and he is not all that smart really", well, I'm afraid that your quarrel is with GOD.

God says: Your husband is the head.

God does NOT say: In the nature of the case your husband is more intelligent than you, and has far greater gifts than you, and is definitely superior to you, God simply savs: YOUR HUSBAND IS THE HEAD! THAT is MY pattern, MY design, MY will! And what God says is relevant here, NOT what Germaine Greer says, or Woman's Lib., or Benjamin Spock, or the Women's Weekly.

I think that people are also HUNG-UP about this, because they may not quite understand what is meant by THE WIFE SUBJECTING HERSELF. It has nothing to do with inferiority, or being allowed ONLY to be busy in the kitchen and in the laundry. It does NOT mean that a wife loses out on freedom. It does NOT mean that the woman is reduced to the level of a piece of property. Maybe none of US thinks like that, but there are many others who put THAT meaning into THAT passage: She must bow before husband, never offering a suggestion, keeping her mouth shut, almost being squashed under the heel of her husband.

THAT is not what the BIBLE says! Maybe it is much more true of the other great world religions, where the woman seems to have a far lower place than the man, but in Christianity it is true what this same Paul writes in Galatians 3:28: "There is neither male nor female, all are one in Christ Jesus."

May a woman make a career? May she be busy outside of the home? May she accept responsibilities and functions in society? Of course she may...

PROVIDED that it does not mean the sacrifice of God's pattern for the home-life;

PROVIDED that the woman, as her first concern, has accepted before God her responsibility of marriage and family, and as regards her husband: THAT is SUBJECTION, OBEDIENCE.

Of course, Ephesians 5 also talks about very important DUTIES OF THE HUSBAND, but we will look at that some other time.

Did you notice the way it's put here in vs.22: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, AS TO THE LORD." In Colossians 3:18: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, AS IS FITTING IN THE LORD.” It is ultimately part of the Christian woman's obedience to Christ. It is PLEASING THE LORD, vs.10. It is THE WILL OF THE LORD, vs.17. The Christian woman subjects herself for the Lord's sake! The reason here is NOT that it would make a woman happier, or that the home would run more smoothly, or that it is a good way to avoid arguments.

No, it is BECAUSE THE LORD SAYS IT!

You MUST OBEY, Christian woman!

That is the divinely-intended role the woman ought to play. Because, and this is central, in that submission-obedience relationship of the wife to husband, she is to be a picture of the relationship of THE CHURCH TO JESUS CHRIST!

Now THAT is the MOST GLORIOUS RELATIONSHIP in the whole universe, right? The Saviour of the world, AND the people for whom He died! The Vine and the branches, the Shepherd and the sheep, the Head and the body, the Bridegroom and the bride. And in our Christian homes, we ought to have a beautiful reflection of that.

See, if a woman is not willing to be subject to her husband, she not only reverses her role, which often leads to all kinds of strife; (ask any good marriage guidance counsellor!) but she is not a reflection of the relationship of the church to Christ!

In other words: the beauty of the GOSPEL DOES NOT COME THROUGH! Paul writes to Titus in chapter 2:5 about the young married women: They must be submissive to their husbands, THAT THE WORD OF GOD MAY NOT BE DISCREDITED! When you refuse to play your role, you are dishonouring God, you are not pleasing Christ, you are grieving the Holy Spirit, you are discrediting the Word.

If one of you would sav: "Well, look. in our home I just HAVE to take over, because my husband avoids his responsibility", then you both must repent and place yourself under the authority of the Word of God, for things are very much back to front.

And our young men, our young ladies, our teenagers: is EPHESIANS 5 playing a part in your courtship, or will it play a part when the time is there? For you know, young people, when roles are reversed in a household, THAT doesn't come OVERNIGHT. Very likely that pattern was already established BEFORE they even got married. Make a wise choice, so that well BEFORE you get married, you can see it already in your partner, the desire to live according to God's PATTERN, God's DESIGN!

Only THEN will we achieve true fulfilment, true freedom! Jay Adams puts it like this in one of his books: "Submission does not remove freedom, it allows for it. When is the train freer when it is bumping over the hillside OFF the track, or when it is smoothly running ALONG THE TRACK, confined, or restricted if you will, to the track? The train is freer when it is where it ought to be, doing what it was intended to do. Restricted to the track means freedom. Confined to the track means ability to perform as it was intended to perform. What really brings freedom? Getting on the right track!"

Consider Genesis 2:18: "Then the Lord God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone. I will make him a helper fit for him'." Now read again Ephesians 5:22-24: "Wives, be subject to your husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, His body, and is Himself its Saviour. As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands."

Now one last, very brief question.

Is that easy, for a wife to be like that? Well, apparently it was not easy for the Ephesian women, otherwise it's unlikely that Paul would have spelled it out in such detail. But don't you agree that it will be easier to live like this: by the grace of God, indwelt by the Holy Spirit, and looking unto Christ Jesus?

Amen.