Word of Salvation – Vol. 33 No. 29 – August 1988

Honour In The Home

Sermon by Rev. W. Wiersma on Ephesians 6:1-4

Reading: Deut. 6:1-15 & Prov. 31:10-31

Singing:  12; 152; 170; 222; 449.

Dear Worshippers of God,

Before we have a closer look at the meaning of our text, I want to say something about its context.  I want to draw your attention to a few things in this letter to the Ephesians, which we must be aware of, as we listen to what God has to say to Christian children and parents.  I shall try to be brief.

First let me quote from chapter 1 the verses 3-6 (read the following verses)

            from chapter 2:1, 4-10

            from chapter 4:1, 2, 17

            and finally from chapter 5:1, 18-21

So the context is the saving work of God which He is carrying out through Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit.  That's the same kind of context as we find in Deuteronomy 6.  God is speaking His will to His people; the people He is saving from sin and slavery.  That's also what Paul is getting at when he writes that children should obey their parents in the Lord.  Obey them in the Lord means, obey them because that's what the Lord wants you to do.  And the Lord here is the Lord Jesus Christ who has laid down His life on the Cross, so that our sins might be forgiven and our lives might be renewed by the Holy Spirit.

Now this 'in the Lord' implies two things:

1.  Believers, young and old, will listen carefully to the will of their Saviour and Lord.  They respect and obey Him who has bought them with his precious blood.

2.  It means that there is no excuse for not obeying the Lord.  What have in mind here is the commonly heard excuse: I can't...!  People have said to me, I know I ought to love that person, or, I know that God wants me to forgive that person, or, I know that I ought to respect my parents, but I CAN'T.

That is no excuse!  For the Lord is not asking you to do His will in your own strength.  We can only do God's will in the power of the Holy Spirit.  We have to confess our inability and our unwillingness to do the will of God.  We must pray that in the name of Jesus and in the strength of His loving Spirit we will want to – and will be able to do what God wants us to do.  We have to repent of our own wilfulness and pray for the trust and humility to do God's will.

Now that has to start right from the beginning.  Right from our entry into the Christian family God calls and trains us to submit ourselves to His will.  He says, obey your parents.  That is God's will.  That is a crucially important command in the law of God.  Obey your parents.  That command is so important that God gives a promise with it for those who practise it.  “Honour your father and your mother that it may be well with you and that you may live long on the earth."

Now originally that promise was for the people of Israel.  God said repeatedly that if they would obey His commandments He would bless them with peace and plenty and they would live long in the Promised Land.  Later on the Bible shows us that God's people, Israel, were taken out of Canaan because they had been disobedient to the Lord.  The heart of the promise still holds.  God blesses those who obey Him with a rich and rewarding life and the promise of the land of glory.  Now this commandment to children and parents is of prime importance because the family is the basic unit of the church and of society.

Very bluntly, if there is no respect and obedience in the home, there is no respect and obedience in the church or in the nation.  If children don't honour their fathers and mothers, whom will they honour?  If they are not willing to submit to the commands of their parents, whose instructions will they follow?

God says that to obey your parents is to obey Him.  If you disobey your parents, you disobey God.  That is the general rule which applies even if children have non-Christian parents.  It is God's will that you honour and respect them.

Only in the rare case that parents command children to act against the expressed will of God, would children have to disobey their parents.  And, as Dr. Martin Lloyd Jones points out, if ever children would have to disobey their parents, it should be done with a sense of grief, rather than with arrogance.  It should pain children to think they would have to disobey their parents because they have no alternative.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord.

Who has to teach children that?  Who has to teach the children to honour their father and mother?  Who has to teach children this command of God?  The parents!  Parents have to teach children to be obedient to God by being obedient to their parents.  Here we see the tremendously important and demanding task of fathers and mothers.  They are to bring up their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.

Parents, the Lord wants you to do that.  You parents are God’s representatives to your children.   God's Word is to come to your children through you.

God's will is to be expressed to your children, both in what you say and what you do and demand.  Our text clearly shows us that this requires wisdom and delicacy.

It says, Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger.  Don't, for instance, just demand obedience.  You must first teach them what to do.  You have to be fair.  You have to teach them the rules of the house.  You must also realise that your child is a person.  A person whom you have to train up for the Lord.  You must also teach and show your child that we must all live off grace of God.  We all sin.  We make mistakes.  Our need to admit our wrongs, we need forgiveness.  That's what I mean by living off the grace of God.

The old style of 'father is always right' was not true to fact or to Scripture.  As parents we must show that we are all under God's will, both as children and as parents.  God's will is all important.  Also for the way we parents bring up our children.  Our task is not above all to please our children, but to please God.    Parents have to show, by word and example, that God's will and purpose is first for them (as parents and in every other department of life).  Children should be to able to see from their parents what it means seek first God's kingdom and His righteousness in the confidence that God will take care of our physical needs.

All this means that if parents are ever going to discipline and instruct their children, they, the parents, will have to allow themselves to be instructed and disciplined by the Lord.  If children are to honour their parents there is no greater incentive than to see parents honouring the Lord.  As it is children often see the opposite.  Especially in the world today children see God and His Word being ridiculed.  Children are encouraged to challenge their parents.  Children are taught to rebel.  To stand up for themselves.  To reject the authority of God by rejecting the authority God has given to their parents.  That should not surprise us.  It is the heart of sin, to reject God's will.

And people who dishonour God have no real place for honour and dignity among themselves.  Their thought is that everyone should be allowed to do their own thing.  No restrictions, no restraints.  But look where that leads, that idea that the individual is all important:  Motherhood is regarded with scorn.  Children are seen as burdens.  It is suggested that the sooner they can be produced in test tubes, the better.  Mothers should get out of the home.  Find fulfilment in something more worthwhile than looking after a husband and children.  Look after yourself.  Go out into the workforce.  Make money, for money is the solution to all problems.

Idolatry!  When people no longer listen to God they will listen to the godless with all the sorrows and sufferings of such foolishness.  Let me tell you something.  I can think of no more important, no more worthwhile, no more influential task (career or privilege, or whatever you want to call it) than being a mother.

It is true that some women can't be mothers, some don't want to be mothers.  But let no one fool you with the silly nonsense about the inferiority or worthlessness of being a mother and housewife.  Who would really like to be brought up by robots?  Who would really prefer to spend their life in institutions?  What is richer than home in a family where there is respect and love?  What is a better training for life than a family where parents and children enjoy the security of love, and members know they have a responsibility to each other?

How often we read today about troubled youths and adults.  Troubled because they have not known the discipline and instruction of loving and wise parents.

A good home is not a question of money.  Many of us grew up in families where there was financial hardship.  Where food was limited and clothes were mostly second-hand.  And we are none the worse for it for we had fathers and mothers who honoured the Lord and loved their children.  Loved them enough to teach and discipline them.  That's even more important than playing with children.  It is an awesome task to bring up children for the Lord.  Thank God we don't have to do it in our own strength.  We may ask, and it shall be given.  We may pray and God will provide.  Remember, God loves, God cares.  So listen to Him.

Listen children.  Listen to God, your parents.  For where parents and children listen to their Heavenly Father there God will truly give His blessings of love and peace.

AMEN.