Word of Salvation – Vol. 18 No.40 - October 1972

Honour Your Father And Mother

Sermon by Rev. J. de Kievit, Th.Grad. on Exodus 20:12

Scripture Reading: Colossians 3:12 - 4:6

Psalter Hymnal: 92:1,2,6; 42:1,2 (Confession of Sin);
                        42:3,4,5 (after law as rule of gratitude); 315 (before sermon)
                        350; 490 (doxology)

Beloved brothers and sisters in the Lord Jesus Christ, young people, boys and girls.

It is to the young people and boys and girls that I want to begin speaking: Of all the commandments which is the hardest for you to keep?  Is it, "You shall not steal"?  Or is it, "You shall not bear false witness to your neighbour"?  Well, recently I asked that question of our young people in a catechism test, and quite a few put down this commandment, "Honour your father and your mother".  And why?  Because so often they are wrong, or seem to be wrong in the things they tell us to do.

And you know, brothers and sisters, those answers are not really surprising.  They just about sum up the feeling of our times and the spirit of our age.  Among the youth in the world (anyone up to about 30 years old) there is a questioning and rejection of AUTHORITY.  There is wide-spread disillusionment with the older generation.  It was 'they' who caused two world wars within this century alone.  ‘They’ are responsible for keeping alive conflicts around the world, such as Vietnam.  And worst of all, 'they' are in authority.  They are forcing others to think the way they do, and to go in their ways.  They have had their chance to run the world and they've "muffed" it.  Let youth have a go.  They can do better.

They certainly cannot do worse.  And so, in radical terms, the police become 'pigs' who must be taught a lesson.  Government must be defied or violently overthrown.  And parents don't escape.  They have become ‘the old man’ and ‘the old woman'; the 'old fogeys’... or worse.  They must be laughed at and ignored.  That's shocking; it's terrible.  But isn't that, boys and girls what you hear more and more, especially at High School?  And even if you don't hear this in so many words, isn't that the attitude of most of your mates to their parents AND to the police AND perhaps to their teachers?  And just one more question: Doesn't this attitude which is all around you (and let's hope is not IN you), doesn't this make it so hard for you to keep this commandment?  Throw off the shackles!  Away with all authority!  Freedom!  Freedom!

But, boys and girls, when we turn to the Bible we notice that there is nothing new about this desire to do away with authority – especially the authority of parents.  The first family is torn apart when Cain murders, his brother.  He doesn't care how this hurts his parents.  Some generations later, Noah is terribly dishonoured by his son.

And later again, David is driven from the throne by his own son Absalom.  And these were, so to speak, CHRISTIAN homes!  The home which God had meant to be paradise, has become a boiling ocean of blood and tears.  And all brought about through sin; the desire to overthrow God himself.

Now God – when He brings Israel into the Promised Land, and when He gives them His Law – HE knows all this.  He could see the havoc wrought in home-life throughout the world.  He could feel the opposition to His authority and ALL authority.  And YET He commands, "Honour your father and mother.  God did not say, "The family has had its chance and has proved a failure.  Parents have ‘muffed’ their chance and now I've had enough of it.”  God could have taken all authority back into His own hands, and said, "Now you will listen only to me and no one else.”  But no, "Honour your father and mother.”  God gives His own authority OUT of His hands.  He delegates it to PARENTS.  He lays it on Mum and Dad!  And He took, and still takes this so seriously that, of all the commandments, this is the very first one to deal with our relationship with our neighbour.  All the others before it deal with our attitude directly to God.

Now before we find out what this means for boys and girls today, let us ask "Why?"  Why does God have such a 'vested’ interest in the family; in father and mother?  The reason is that God Himself is a parent.  He is, for want of a better word, THE Arch-father!  We read something of this in Ps.103, “As a father pities his children, so the Lord pities those who fear Him."  And as Jesus tells us, when we pray we may address "our Father who is in heaven”.  God is not just A father just like earthly fathers.  No, He is the original; the ideal!  And the glow of His divine Fatherhood is so bright that it shines on mankind; on parents in particular.  He made man, also as parent, in His own image.  That is why, despite failure, God PERSISTS with Mum and Dad and entrusts to them His authority.  GOD esteems parents.  HE honours them.  And it is for that reason, boys and girls, that He still says today, "Honour your father and mother.”  Respect them; esteem them, love them, for in their position they reflect something of the love, care and majesty of God Himself.

That means a lot in our everyday lives.  That means in the first place that God forbids any conduct which shows disrespect.  He hates any talk or attitude which lowers their names.  It is sin in His eyes to talk about your parents as the 'old man' the 'old woman' or 'old fools'.  And be honest with yourselves, isn't that often how you DO talk, boys and girls?  It's so easy to go with the crowd and do as your schoolmates do.  It may seem tough, but really it is cowardly.  It is much harder to stand up for your parents when others drag theirs into the gutter.  But still God says, "Honour your father and mother."  He who dishonours father or mother dishonours God.

And you know, to honour includes to obey.  It means doing what Mum and Dad say.  Now, you may say, "That's good; that's O.K. as long as Mum and Dad are right.  But what about when they are wrong?  Should we still obey them?  Isn't it silly to do something which you know to be wrong, just because your parents say so?"  Well, first of all, who is to say they ARE wrong?  How do you know?  They may well be right.  Your Mum and Dad have far more experience in life.  They have had far more opportunity to think about what is right and wrong.  And it may well be that sometime in the future you will be grateful for the advice they gave you.  You may yet be grateful for the fact that now they put their foot down.

But what if they really are wrong?  What then?  Well, let us take another look at the situation.  God gave this commandment to the children and young people in Israel.  And do you think, young people, that their parents were any more perfect than yours?  Do you think they never made mistakes?  They were the very parents who murmured against Moses in the wilderness.  Time and again they themselves sinned.  Perfect?  Not likely!  Yet God says, "Honour your father and mother."  Obey them!  Right OR wrong!  We must go even further: even if our parents are not Christians.  Oh, boys and girls, you don't know how blessed you are if you can grow up in a Christian home.  Proverbs 20:7 has something to say on this: "A righteous man who walks in his integrity (i.e. true to God) blessed are his children after him."  But even if they are not true to God, still they are to be obeyed because they are appointed by God to have authority over you.  Note that well – this is an unconditional commandment.  No ifs or buts.

This is hard at times.  We like to determine for ourselves what we will obey or ignore.  But, you see, 'obedience' of this kind is no obedience.  It is, in effect, making ourselves equal with our parents.  No!  Worse; we become the judges over our parents.  They have to come to us to justify t their actions and demands before the bar of our judgment.  But this means turning everything upside down.  God says, "HONOUR your father and mother."  Now, of course, this does not mean that you may never ask "Why?"   Why must I do so and so?  Why am I not allowed to do this or that?  Wise parents, as delegates from the Lord, will try to explain all genuine questions to bring their children to insight.  But when it's all boiled down, when Mum or Day say "No" then it IS "No".  And when it is "Yes" it IS "Yes".  No matter whether you understand or whether you agree.

There is only one limit.  When your parents make you go against God's commands; when Mum or Dad pull you away from the Lord or try to force you into sin.  Then you MUST disobey because we "must obey God rather than man”.

But let us never use excuses to disobey.  If we do, then we have to square not only with our parents but with God Himself.  And even if your parents let it slide and overlook your disobedience (and let us hope they don't, because this commandments lays tremendous responsibilities on parents) but even if they let you get away with it, God doesn't.  Before Him it is and remains sin.  "Honour" means to honour not grudgingly, perhaps with cursing under your breath, but honour with the heart; gladly "as to the Lord".  How is it in your family?  How is it in your heart?

When we, brothers and sisters, and boys and girls, when we walk in God's love, then we also see that this command to honour father and mother never ends, as long as our parents live.  Oh yes, there comes a time when young people grow up and have to make decisions for themselves.  But to honour also – in a very practical way - means to look after them when they can no longer look after themselves.  In their old age, that's when they need honouring as much as and perhaps more than, when their children are young.  And how much, this too, is forgotten in our materialistic world.  Older people are increasingly seen as a burden to society.  Perhaps they have been the ‘old man' and 'old woman' to their children and now they are regarded as so much junk to be thrown on the scrap-heap.  They've had no thanks at all.  Of course, people dare not say that straight-out.  But look at the multitude of people stuck in Government or semi-government institutions, with no one to visit them.  Lonely, and alone.  And all because their grown up children have passed them by; have forgotten them; are glad to be rid of them.  But, brothers and sisters, GOD does not see them as junk fit only for the scrap-heap.  To Him they are parents to be honoured; at the very least by their children.  He wants us, you and me, to honour our aged parents.  And the way we do that will reveal what we as Christians think of them.  And that is why He is pleased when we, also as Reformed congregations, ensure that there are enough Homes in our community for our aged folk.  That may be hard sometimes.  It may be a strain on the finances.  But in honouring our parents we honour God.

Is it easy, boys and girls, to honour father and mother?  No, definitely not.  And there is still continual pressure to do the opposite.  We are still urged by the world to be free – really free.  But we can stand fast if we know the perfect Son; Jesus Christ.  In the garden of Gethsemane He faced the verdict of death for sinners like you and me.  He had to bear the wrath of the Father and the punishment meted out by Him.  And He obeyed.  "Not my will but thine be done.'  He honoured His Father unto death.  And through His death He set us free to be sons of God and to honour also our parents.  It is He and He alone who in all our sin and neglect of our parents can cleanse us from sin and fill our hearts with the power and joy of obedience.  And it is no easier, brothers and sisters, in this world to honour our aged parents.  But again we have the power and strength of Christ.  Even as he hung on the cross and was near to death he fulfilled his duty as a son to his mother: "Woman", behold your son, and to John his disciple, "Behold your mother."  It is only the Christian, boys and girls, who can know what this command really means.  The person who knows and loves Him can really honour father and mother.  With Him in our sights and in our hearts we, too, may gladly obey, "Honour your father and your mother."

And just briefly, there is a reward for keeping this commandment.  "The first commandment with promise”, says Paul in Eph.6.  It is the promise, NOT of long life to every single child who honours father and mother.  That is obviously untrue; there are so many godly children who do die young.  But it is the promise of happy family life.  The promise of peace and happiness in countries where this commandment is kept on a large or national scale.  This is what God promised Israel.  And this is what God still promises us.

Don't cast off the authority of your parents or anyone God has put over you.  It does not lead to freedom.  It leads to unhappiness; it brings revolution, violence and therefore early death.  We can see the seeds of this more and more in our society.  And don't be mistaken, it starts with disobedience in the home.  It leads to hell already on earth.  It may be hard, but Christians in this sinful world must give the lead.  "You are the salt of the earth".  "Honour your father and mother".  If we do that, boys and girls, beginning in our own homes, then we may by the grace of God enjoy just a little of the foretaste of heaven.

Amen.